Episode 218: Endless Curiosity (The Last Episode)

TRANSCRIPT

Note: This transcript was lightly edited and created using a transcription service. As such it may contain spelling errors.

Gale Straub – Narration: I’m Gale Straub and you’re listening to the last episode of She Explores.

Ah, you heard me right. After 7 years and well over 200 episodes this is the final one. It’s not super easy for me to say.

In truth, we’ve been slowing down for a while here on She Explores as life has gotten full – and the demands of maintaining an always-on podcast and digital media platform accumulated in a way that became unsustainable.

Last year, I shared that the show would undergo a shift – and it did. She Explores was no longer a weekly show. But the reality is that – whether you’re making a podcast or maintaining a social media account or a blog – creating digital media is a lot like tending to a garden.

She Explores is a garden that I planted in rich soil in 2014, and it grew bigger over time. More women came to help tend it – notably my two longtime partners, Hailey Hirst and Noël Russell. Hailey who has maintained the blog for years and made everything beautiful with her incredible design work, Noël who, among many gifts, is a talented marketer and relationship builder.

For a garden to flourish, though, you need the right number of hands, and ample water. And She Explores has flourished for many years. But it always needed more hands, more water, more time and care and consideration. And at a certain point, it required more than we could maintain.

I could go into the nitty-gritty of today’s media landscape, about burnout, about the challenges of being a small but mighty independent team in a culture that simultaneously demands and undervalues content – but if you’re a creator yourself you already know. And I’m not sure it really honors what we have been able to create here over the last decade.

So I have other plans for this last episode.

First I want to share a quote I stumbled on from Helen Bright — from her blog, BrightWanderer on Tumblr: “I think a lot about how we as a culture have turned ‘forever’ into the only acceptable definition of success.” She goes on to mention different endings that we have a tendency to identify as failures – “failed” marriages, “failed” relationships, “failed” businesses. And she ends the post by saying “I just think that something can be good, and also end, and that thing was still good. And it’s okay to be sad that it ended, too.”

So that’s where I’m at. This is the last episode of She Explores, and we’ll no longer be posting to the blog or the social media. For now, all the posts and episodes will stay up where they’ve been.

I’m so grateful for She Explores. I’m thankful for all the goodness that it’s brought into my life, and that I think it’s brought some of you out there listening. And I’m sad that it’s ending, but to get to carry that goodness with me: It’s pretty much the greatest gift of my life so far. And if you’re in the midst of a transition, or an ending of sorts, I hope it gives you some solace to know that you get to define what that time meant for you.

And now, I have a special treat. I asked a handful of the 250+ plus past guests of She Explores to answer a question for me. Because right now, I’m looking back and thinking about everything I learned from you all over the years. So I thought I’d take the opportunity to pass some of that wisdom forward, one last time.

I asked them to reflect on the last few years, and to share a time they’ve learned a lesson, or something about themselves in the outdoors. As often happens, there were common themes that came through in their answers.

First up: Jaymie Shearer, she/her. Fun fact – she helped me out with the blog on She Explores wayyy back in 2015 into 2016. She’s an incredibly talented photographer and a deeply thoughtful person. She also bravely took a field recorder with her to the Flash Foxy Climbing festival in 2018 – the episode is called Playing to Her Strengths.

Jaymie Shearer: Oh man. Okay, so the prompt for this episode. This is Jamie by the way. Hi, Gail. Hi, crew. Is in your time spent outside in the last few years. Can you think back to a time when you learned either lesson or something about yourself? Oh my gosh. So many things. So many things.

But it’s, it’s the same lesson. It’s the same thing that I’ve been grappling with and learning for years, and it’s, it’s that baseline of belief in myself, in what I’m capable of. Over the past couple of years, I’ve become more of a runner and the thing I love about running is spending all day in the back country all day outside.

So, Can just move on my feet through the world it’s just been a vehicle of growth for me to Believe in myself in my ability to get there. Running in the back country. My first marathon distance was a route here through the Sierra, there’s something about being out in locations that previously I had only, I. Ever considered backpacking too, and instead I decided to run through it in a day. I processed a lot of emotion on that day and had lots of times of laughing at myself, moments of crying, but there was never really a moment where I didn’t think I could,keep going.

so I’d say that when I’m spending time in the outdoors, I’m learning, especially through running that, I’m more capable than I believe. And honestly, the past year I’ve been processing a breakup and it’s amazing how quickly in that previous relationship I stopped believing in myself.

And whenever I go outside, I would catch those. Glimpses and get that feeling, that orientation, um, within myself again. And that juxtaposition between a relationship where I didn’t believe in myself and then spaces where I did, um, in the end, I just couldn’t, I couldn’t bring the two, two. And having moved forward from that relationship, I feel so much more like myself.

I’m hopeful that I can continue to, I. Make relationships and friendships and maybe find a romantic partner who is a yes, who I do feel confident in my being around. And I know that’s not them, and I know that’s not necessarily what this prompt is asking, but, um, I, I’m confident that

I am capable of not only running through the back country and keeping myself. Safe and happy and fun. I’m also able to do that in all of my relationships too, and I think the outdoors constantly reminds me of that ability.

Gale Straub – Narration: I love how Jaymie went somewhere she didn’t expect to in her response. It makes me wonder where your thoughts are going right now as you listen. I made a She Explores episode called lost and found a few years back, and it was about a woman getting lost in the backcountry in the literal sense but gosh is the sense of losing yourself and finding yourself again so relatable.

Shon’t: Recently I received the great opportunity of leading a group of, women on a trek down in Chile.

Gale Straub – Narration: This is Shon’t, she/her, who shared her story of embracing adventure after divorce on an episode a few years back. A big lesson she shared then was how taking time for herself made her a better mother to her son. And today, she reflects on the importance of both knowing yourself AND speaking up on her recent trip to Torres del Paine National Park in Patagonia.

Shon’t: We did the W Track, before going, we had several meetings with each other

And, one thing that I called out because even though I did the prep for the track, I, I just hadn’t been hiking as much as I had in the past, so, well, I had complete confidence in my ability. One thing I know that shifted for me was speed.

So I made a comment and let the other. Um, individuals know, Hey, I’m a, I’m a slower hiker now. I’m gonna hike my own hike. I’m gonna go at a pace that’s comfortable for me.

it really was just me calling out that I am aware of the speed with which I hike and also hopefully creating space for other people to know that, they would have opportunity.

to hike in a manner that honored who they are. when we got on the trek, I didn’t quite realize just how slow I’d become. by the time the front of the group reached the destination of each portion of our trek, Um, I probably was about 10 to 15 minutes behind them.

I think what that taught me about myself, Is the way that I’m able to be vulnerable and transparent about who I am, what my abilities are, I’ve taken away the measure of judgment and comparison and the need to compete or to be fast or to be first and really just allowed myself to do this trek in a space that honored

how my body functions now. And also to stay in a space of awe and to recognize this opportunity with absolute gratitude. So for me, I just really learned that I really have reached that space of I’m gonna take care of me. not at the cost of bringing harm or, Complications or inconvenience to others?

I don’t feel pressured to push myself to a limit that’s not healthy. I think that there is a such thing as healthy competition, but in this regard, I really just want it to connect with.

The land with myself, with the individuals who were there and, and What that also meant is that connection with the other people on the track happened in different ways. which I think just made for such a rich experience and just really made me feel proud that I could exist in a space of honoring my body, my ability and being okay, being the last one.

and still championing? Myself along the way as well as others.

Gale Straub – Narration: I love that for Shon’t, hiking her own hike gave others the opportunity to hike their own hike too.

Our next submission comes from Gabaccia, she/her/ella, who spent 2021 as our host-in-resident here on She Explores. She was also our host for the See Us Outside miniseries. One of the many things I enjoyed about working with her is how she exposed me and the show to more outdoor activities – fishing, hunting – in a way that made me want to get outside my comfort zone. Gabaccia submission is about when your body lets you know how you’re feeling before your heart does.

Gabaccia: when I attempted to through hike the Continental Divide along in New Mexico. I. on my second or third day on the trail, I decided to exit due to an injury.

And I just remember reaching out to my, community to say what was going on. And it was really hard for me. So, To be there in that moment, having to exit the trail, having to exit my dream. And it was a friend of mine, Angela, who said, injuries are slow me down medicine. And I hadn’t really thought about it that way because I had been overworked for so long.

And all I wanted to do was take this month away from everything to crush a marathon a day. But what I really needed was rest. And despite all my plans and dreams, I think my body got what it needed.

Allow your relationship to the outdoors and to nature to evolve. Just because you were submitting for dinners today doesn’t mean that it’s gonna be the same next year or even next month. I think. Honoring our bodies, honoring our minds, honoring our spirits to guide us as we continue to build.

Our relationship with the outdoors can be a beautiful thing if we are open to it. If we are not constrained by our own limitations of what this relationship has to be or can be.

Sydney Williams: as it turns out, I waited until the last minute to record this.

And I’m glad I did because the lesson that I’d like to share is one that I learned this morning. I’m even still in the parking lot at the trail that taught me this lesson.

Gale Straub – Narration: This is Sydney Williams, author and founder of Hiking My Feelings, a nonprofit all about finding healing in the outdoors and within yourself. We met up to hike together for our second interview, a cloudy new england fall day made brighter by her energetic presence.

Sydney Williams: So, this morning we were hiking on the Desolation Trail up to the Salt Lake Out Overlook. And. As I was using this app, it’s called Seek by iNaturalist and I love it.

You can take pictures of plants, animals, and it’ll help you identify what those things are. And I do this a lot on like every hike I go on. It’s one of my favorite things.

and it got me thinking, When I was little and over the course of my life at various points, people have branded me a know-it-all, and it’s usually after I share something that I’m excited about or some fun fact like I don’t have a depth of understanding of everything that I’m passionate about, but I just love sharing things that I learn and.

I realized on the trail this morning as I was like calling out plants to bury. I was like, I’m not a know-it-all. Like there’s, first of all like I don’t know it all. Like there’s literally no way I could possibly know it all about everything. So like get that out of the way. But also just because I’m excited to share what I learned with people doesn’t make me a know-it-all either.

So then I was hiking and I was thinking, am I a know-it-all or am I just curious? And thinking of myself as a curious person versus a know-it-all just feels so much more in alignment with the way I move through the world, with the way I experience the outdoors, and is the root and, cause of everything I love doing outside.

And one of the reasons why I feel so fulfilled after an adventure. Like I just, I love knowing something as simple as like, what is this flower makes me feel more connected to the. Land that I’m traveling through and also more connected to myself and my innate curiosity. so tooffer a piece of advice, what are some of the stories that you’ve been telling yourself?

Some of the stories that people have told you that you’ve internalized because they’re. A figure of authority in your life or somebody that you respect who actually is an expert in something, and maybe, maybe they called you a know-it-all, or maybe they questioned your knowledge, or maybe it’s something else entirely.

Maybe it has nothing to do with being a know-it-all or your curiosity, but maybe it’s about your body or how you move through the world, the things about you that you literally cannot change. The body that you live in, the color of your skin, who you love, how you work. How your brain works. I invite you on your next hike to think about the different personality traits that you hold and the stories that you tell yourself.

And if they don’t feel good, see if you can reframe them. Because I’ve been holding onto this know-it-all story for a really long time, and especially over the past five years, it has really dimmed my shine. When it comes to my enthusiasm and my love for the outdoors and my passion for sharing the things I learned, whether it’s the smallest thing, like the name of a flower, or a big thing, like a program I’ve developed to help us blaze our own trails to self-love.

So take a thought, take a moment and sit with that. What feels better to you? The crappy story that somebody told you that you’ve internalized for forever, or the one that you want to write about yourself. All things are possible out here. All things are possible within you, and if you take the time to think about what’s happening in your inner wilderness and pay attention to what’s happening in the wilderness around you, life gets a lot more beautiful.

Gale Straub – Narration: Ah, I’m going to sit with those questions from Sydney for a bit. I have such a hard time untangling what I’ve told myself about myself and what I may have internalized from others. I probably need to go on a hike to get some answers.

When photographer Gretchen Powers was on She Explores, she talked about an adventure friendship. But her more recent lesson is about what can happen when you’re out there doing something hard – just for yourself.

Gretchen Powers: I signed up for a 36 mile cross country ski race last winter. I had never skied anywhere near that. That’s about 60 kilometers. The longest ski race I’d done prior to that I think was like 25 kilometers. This was like more than double what I’d ever done before. And my partner was doing the fat bike version of this race and I said, oh, I don’t like fat bikes, but maybe I’ll try skiing it.

And I thought to myself like, it’ll be great. I’ll just expect to spend the day my skis and a day on my skis. I did in fact spend, it took me about eight and a half hours of effort to finish this. It was not a course meant for cross-country skiing. Most of it was on snowmobile trails and was incredibly challenging in that regard.

And yet I spent the whole day on my skis and I fueled well. And I hydrated well, and I called my mom, my sister, and my best friend at some point during this race, and I did finish eight and a half hours later. And I think that that race, in addition to a handful of others that I’ve entered this year, whether that be on a gravel bike or skis, really taught me that.

Perseverance and dedication and just a, a good try hard attitude is enough, and fueling yourself is so important. I’ve joked many times that if I’m gonna die in the back country, it is not gonna be from starvation. And I’m known to pack more than enough snacks for myself and others. And this, and many of the other longer distance events I’ve done this year have taught me just that.

So if there was a lesson I wanted to impart, it would be to. Pack fuel and to view food as just that, that, that the calories are energy that are gonna fuel your body so that you have the best time out there that you can, and that no matter whether you’re going on a three mile hike or a 30 mile bike ride or a 60 mile through hiking adventure, that that food is something your body is worthy of.

And don’t forget that.

Gale Straub – Narration: Back in May, I went to London for the first time for a work trip. I landed at 7AM London time, but it felt like 2AM in my eastern standard brain. I hopped in an uber out northwest of the city, to a house that overlooks the greenbelt. There I got to meet Hiranya de Alwis Jayasinghe, and her little son, for the first time in person. Even after my jetlagged nap, I felt like I was in a dream as Hiranya took me for a walk in the fields that abutt her house. We talked about the fourth trimester, and how motherhood has treated her so far. We also talked about creativity – a new nature inspired album of songs that she recorded while pregnant. It was one of those full circle moments. Tromping through fields in inappropriate heeled boots, talking with a wonderful woman I’d interviewed years ago about her hike on the Welsh Coastal Path. Beginning to process the end of She Explores.

Our conversation helped me start to look forward in a way I haven’t in a while. Hiranya has a way of carving out depth in simple moments. And her submission is no exception.

Hiranya de Alwis Jayasinghe: I took my four month old to the zoo. Of course, I went for myself, not for him, and on a bright, sunny day, I had a lovely time seeing all the animals, but this moment sticks in my mind. Towards the end of my visit, I put my son down on a picnic table whilst I readjusted the sling. I was about to pick him back up when the expression on his face stopped me.

He was fully engaged with all his body what had caught his attention. I rested my head on the picnic table. Beside him, just above was some sort of tropical palm tree with giant leaves. As the breeze exhaled, the leaves danced and rattled against one another. Percussively. It was music, moving beauty, art, the warmth of the sun on our skin.

I rested with him drinking it all in. I could feel the nagging urge to hurry back on our way to be productive to do another animal. And I breathe deeply and let it go. I just was. In that moment, sensing the beating leaves splutter in the breeze. And lately that’s what I’ve been learning in the outdoors to be with it, to be in it fully attentive and resist the feeling that I need to do something to it or upon it.

Productivity culture tells us that our worth is in the doing and in breastfeeding, my son just sitting and holding him, I can hear the nagging voices that I’m being lazy, unproductive, whilst all the while in my inactivity I’m keeping him alive and growing. Lately, we’ve been feeding and napping in the hammock out in our garden.

I’ve rebelled against the urge to take a phone or book and do something instead

until he wakes, giving myself permission to just rock and stare at the trees above my head. Just sensing, just being with, without needing to conquer or prove anything. And I feel a spaciousness open within me in this unhurried ness. The generous healing salve of being in relationship with nature and receiving her gifts.

And I guess that’s my insight for anyone listening. I, I love an adventure, a challenge, a doing of something outside as much as anyone, but in the everyday just be. Even for a second longer than is comfortable before hurrying on to the next thing. Wherever there is green or sky or maybe just a local cat, give yourself permission to savor being with together.

I truly believe it’s this resistance that is one of the most powerful political and regenerative acts you can do.

Gale Straub – Narration: Write something here about what’s coming next.

Tori Duhaime: when I sat down to think about this, I mostly was thinking about how much my relationship to the idea of the outdoors and being active in the outdoors and being an outdoor industry professional as well as enthusiast has changed so much since my time moving here to Richmond.

Gale Straub – Narration: This is Tori Duhaime, she/they. Among many things, Tori’s a photographer and a dancer, and she was on the She Explores team for a couple of years – you might have heard her voice on our ads, or read their writing on our newsletter and blog. Tori moved from Salt Lake City to Richmond, Virginia, around the same time they started working with us. And so she felt some reservation to enter a new outdoor culture in Virginia after living in Utah, or growing up in Durango, Colorado.

Tori Duhaime: I’ve been engaging in.

A lot of these activities but I didn’t feel like I got to really do them or that I didn’t really belong within them because of , that pro culture and the, the rigor of it all, and. I, I value the rigor as well, and I, I value the, the role of professionals within the industry and everything.

But ultimately, I think I forgot what play felt like in the outdoors. I forgot what it meant to learn something new because I previously was always kept out from things by not being a leader. Or an expert in the things that I did, the activities that I did, and I felt the need to excel in order to belong.

But since moving here out east and moving into this in incredible community of Richmond, and especially with being fostered by and the whole Shakespeares community, as a part of that transition, I really got to, I. Refined community and play in the same way I’ve gotten to connect with women of the Whitewater community, women on bikes, you know, trash pickups communities.

I feel like I’ve gotten to refine play within my own photography because I have community to be on that side of the lens, and to. Pull myself out of it and really see the people who are a part of what make being outdoors so great. And that’s I think what I’ve learned the most

that. being outdoors was never an individualistic experience. It never has been. Even being out there alone is such a beautiful and quiet and ind independent experience. To Some degree, but I think above all else, it’s, it’s the community that welcomes you in, that teaches you, that tells you to keep going, that tells you you belong.

That. Keeps us all moving and keeps this, this experience really wholly what it is.

Gale Straub – Narration: Tori goes on to share where some of the initial spark came from, to reframe their thinking on how they spend time outside. And while I’m typically retiscent to credit She Explores, Tori called out two of the big whys of the platform – community, and what you’ll hear next.

Tori Duhaime: it was when I was sitting at my desk during an office job that I was pretty miserable at in 2017. And I was feeling so depleted of, in inspiration, of belonging of what I was gonna do with my life. let alone just my free time, just what was gonna keep my cup full. And I somehow, I somehow stumbled upon the She Explores podcast and I sat down and I listened, and I just remember this little cinder block office of mine feeling like the walls were cracking and falling down because I, I found direction, I found, I found that community that said, become a beginner again, or Bring in your expertise and share it.

And boy did I need it.

Gale Straub – Narration: Being able to start over and to stay flexible with your sense of outdoor self, have ended up being throughlines in what you’ve been learning over the last handful of years. Our next submission comes from Hailey Hirst, who’s been a long time collaborator and partner on She Explores. As I mentioned at the beginning, it’s Hailey who designed the website to make it so beautiful, and she’s worked with countless writers over the years to help publish their stories on the blog. There’s a lot of flexibility in that process, too. Here’s Hailey:

Hailey Hirst: My life outdoors has changed so much in the last few years. I used to go backpacking and ride motorcycles and go on long multi-state road trips. My husband and I even used to say that visiting a national park didn’t count unless we hiked at least a few miles in it. But I don’t measure things like that anymore.

After having two babies and dealing with chronic illness and slowing way down, I’ve learned the value in just being outside anywhere, not rushing, not trying to always finish a hike or get to the next destination. I’m in a simpler place of tending to children and a garden and trying to deepen a sense of belonging and community where I am.

I’m just less interested in moving fast and far right now. I’m finding there’s such a depth to the slowness. There’s so much to do without going anywhere Right now, my backyard garden is teaching me to show up every day and not worry about perfection. I’m planting native plants and picking berries and learning to engage in caretake while him here at home and not just passing through somewhere.

I guess this is all to say that I’m learning that moving slow is good too, and the nature will always meet me where I am, and this relationship will continue evolving over the seasons of my life. I’m sure. As far as advice, curiosity has always been our constant for Shea explores, and I think it’s worth repeating.

So as Gail always says, stay curious, keep asking questions and living the width and the depth of your life. There is so much to do and learn and make and feel

Gale Straub – Narration: Our last submission, fittingly, is an extension of Hailey’s advice. It comes from Noël Russell, she/her/ella, another of my partners in She Explores and a brilliant writer and maybe the most lovingly empathetic people I know. And her words reflect that:

Noël Russell: Oh, if I were to share one piece of advice before I even worked with the team at, she explores, I had the sticker that said Curiosity as a constant, and I put it on my dash of my car that I spent a lot of time in at that point in my life and it kind of seared itself into my memory and it became, I. More or less of like the baseline by which I approach challenges and, questions and even, you know, joyful moments or, or so much unknowns leading with curiosity makes the world

more exciting and more lovely and more. Possible and more filled with hope. and I think that that’s a thing I wanna take forward with me, and it’s a thing that I would encourage others to take forward is, no matter how hard it is, no matter how scary it is, being curious is a good place to start from.

there’s a mural down the street from me. it’s street art, and someone painted. love is 75% curiosity. And I think we deserve to live in a world that’s abundant in love, and I think that the way that we love each other and we love.

The land and we love all the creatures that inhabit it is by being curious. So that’s my piece of advice. embracing us spirit of exploration is just that. And I feel like it’s going to continue to make the world a pretty, pretty cool place to be.

Gale Straub – Narration: Thanks for tuning into the last episode of She Explores. And thanks so much for being here – whether you’ve been with us since the beginning, or you’re just listening in now. The community that makes up She Explores has always been what makes it so special. So while this is an ending, everything we’ve talked about these last few years – your stories, your experiences in the outdoors, your inquisitive natures – it’s lovely to think about them carrying on through you. That’s a lot of the goodness that I mentioned at the beginning of this episode.

When I was in my mid 20’s, before I started She Explores, I lived in an apartment on Electric Avenue in Somerville, Massachusetts. In the downstairs entryway, someone left a small, translucent smooth glass stone on a windowsill, just within eye line. It was the kind of trinket that you’d usually have 100 of in a bowl or a vase for decoration. But this one little oblong piece of glass sat there the whole year I lived there. Sometimes I’d be rushing out for work, and it’d catch the light, and I’d see it in the corner of my eye. I started to associate it with a reminder to slow down and get curious, that even when life felt like it was moving really fast, and there was nothing in my control, this small ordinary thing shimmered.

When the downstairs tenants moved out, it was still there. So when it was my turn to move, too, I put it in my pocket. I’ve taken it with me to different apartments, to the house I live in today. Over the years I’ve lost and found it, more times than I can count. I couldn’t even tell you where it is right now, but I’m confident that, when I least expect it – and probably when I need the reminder most, I’ll stumble on it.

That’s how I feel about this show and the women who I’ve gotten to work and connect with through it. The lessons I’ve learned, the connections we’ve made together, will continue to shimmer in my memories, and they’ll float to the surface when I least expect them to.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to submit to this last episode. They are: Jaymie Shearer, Shon’t, Sydney Williams, Gabaccia, Hiranya de Alwis Jayasinghe, Gretchen Powers, Tori Duhaime, Hailey Hirst, and Noël Russell. Thanks, too, to everyone who’s been on the show over the years – or who’s touched the show.

You can find our latest book, Women and Water: Stories of Adventure, Self-Discovery, and Connection in and On the Water – linked in the show notes and wherever you find books. If you prefer to listen, the audiobook version is coming July 10th.

If you want to stay connected, you can follow me on social media @galestraub – and I’m thinking about creating a newsletter via my website, GaleStraub.com. If you want to sign up there, I’ll try to be in touch soon.

And with that – I truly wish you the best – I hope that you’ll keep exploring with an open mind, keep connecting, keep teaching each other – and, yes, stay curious.

Episode 218: Endless Curiosity (The Last Episode)

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